Love strategies we use in Relationships - Falling in Love - By Dr. Charmaine Saunders - from Western Australia
Falling in love. It has to be one of the most exciting, heady experiences in human existence.
January 24, 2008
Love strategies we use in Relationships
Eleventh Commandment: Love thyself
There was this popular song in the 80s by Whitney Houston, "The Greatest Love of All," which apart from being a favorite piece sung during Amateur Singing contests, has also somehow made an impact on me even while I was still very young.
Although at first, I have to admit that I thought it was too obvious and simple. After all, how difficult is it to love yourself??? In my young (and clueless!) mind, I thought you only have to count the number of times most people look at themselves in the mirror, or the number of hours some people spent "preening" themselves. Over time though, I realized that loving oneself is not really that simple nor easy for a lot of people.
When we were born, we have this innate narcissism in all of us. As we grow older however, because of too many extraneous variables, such egotism may be enhanced, balanced or completely wiped out of our system. The last "consequence" is the most damaging.
Insecurity creeps in even with those who normally has a healthy perception of themselves, particularly after a series of problems, rejections and failures.
But how does one gain back that self-esteem and positive outlook? --This is when loving oneself in a much deeper level comes in and this is also when it becomes a bit tricky and difficult. After all, affirming yourself when your husband/wife or lover just left you, or telling yourself that you're going to be fine after losing your job, or believing that you're still great after failing at something you've painstakingly worked for, isn't really something everyone does with ease.
We should therefore identify our limitations and strengths and realize that everything in this life aren't always within our control. It doesn't necesarily make us a complete loser if a relationship, career or something we are passionate about didn't worked out the way we want it to be.
As the song goes:
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all inside of me
The greatest love of all is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself -- It is the greatest love of all
I couldn't have said it any better!
Healing a Broken Heart
Healing a Broken Heart
There is no such thing as a broken heart-only a heart that is learning to love more and better.
Realizing that your heart isn't damaged is a relief. But when you're desperately trying to let go of a former mate, and you're in emotional agony, this bit of wisdom is cold comfort. Many say they can feel a physical aching in the chest that can last for weeks and even months. An inability to hear love songs on the radio without crying is common. At worst, those struggling through a break-up can't stand to be alone, and avoid places where they might see their ex. Conversely, they might even arrange to run in" to their former flame.
Why do we find it so hard to release when a relationship ends? We get emotionally attached when we fall in love. Emotional attachment is wonderful when the relationship is in full bloom, but a great source of pain when the romance is over. Emotional attachment is responsible for much angst, from jealousy to endless mooning over the lost love, to an inability to move on. Once you finally break the attachment, you have a pleasant neutrality towards the former object of your attachment. You know you're over him when you can see him with another woman and not feel a surge of emotion. It's not that you wish him ill; you simply no longer see why you were so hung up on him to begin with.
There are three steps you can take to expedite the process of release and be free of the pain. If you start practicing them immediately, you may find yourself getting on with your life and experiencing a heady freedom by tomorrow.
There is no such thing as a broken heart-only a heart that is learning to love more and better.
Realizing that your heart isn't damaged is a relief. But when you're desperately trying to let go of a former mate, and you're in emotional agony, this bit of wisdom is cold comfort. Many say they can feel a physical aching in the chest that can last for weeks and even months. An inability to hear love songs on the radio without crying is common. At worst, those struggling through a break-up can't stand to be alone, and avoid places where they might see their ex. Conversely, they might even arrange to run in" to their former flame.
Why do we find it so hard to release when a relationship ends? We get emotionally attached when we fall in love. Emotional attachment is wonderful when the relationship is in full bloom, but a great source of pain when the romance is over. Emotional attachment is responsible for much angst, from jealousy to endless mooning over the lost love, to an inability to move on. Once you finally break the attachment, you have a pleasant neutrality towards the former object of your attachment. You know you're over him when you can see him with another woman and not feel a surge of emotion. It's not that you wish him ill; you simply no longer see why you were so hung up on him to begin with.
There are three steps you can take to expedite the process of release and be free of the pain. If you start practicing them immediately, you may find yourself getting on with your life and experiencing a heady freedom by tomorrow.
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