My friend, Rita, looked helplessly on the pile of canned goods she wanted to buy. It's not that she doesn't have money to buy it. She just couldn't get it literally because being petite, she was afraid that even if she manages to reach for the bottom pile, everything would just collapse and come crashing on her head. And with no one in sight to assist her, she couldn't help but think of her ex-husband who was at least a foot taller than her. It used to be "his job" to get the groceries that were almost always beyond her reach.
Four years after the separation and the memory of her ex-husband still creeps in her head from time to time, even during the most trivial moments. Although the pain and resentment have significantly subsided, she can still feel the impact of their separation in her life.
Just last week for instance, she narrated about the incident when her three-year old daughter asked her where her father is. And in as much as she promised herself to explain everything thoroughly and objectively to her daughter, she still felt torn between telling her the truth or making up some lies about it in the meantime. After all, her daughter is still too young to understand about the separation.
Rita isn't the only one going through such plight. There are thousands of other men and women who, after spending a significant period of their lives being married to the person whom they thought they would share the rest of their lives with, suddenly find themselves at lost, starting all over again and getting used to the single life again. A lot more are having difficulty juggling their time between raising kids on their own and working, not to mention the usual financial constraints that accompany such dilemma.
Rita is now concerned because her bills and credits are starting to pile up. She knew that without other means of income or support from anyone she would soon find herself bankrupt. Hence, she took another part-time job which requires her to stay out late most nights. Despite barely making ends meet, her biggest concern is her child. She knew she rarely spends time with her. Even during her off from work, she's usually too tired or too drained to manage a brief "quality time" with her. Her daughter is now learning more and more things and is steadily growing, yet it seems that she has missed witnessing far too many developments already. In another five months, her daughter will turn four. Rita will turn 29 next month. She is a single parent juggling two jobs, yet is almost bankrupt and without much of anything that resembles a normal social life. She is also worried about the possibility of being tied up with her responsibilities too much that in the end, when things would start to get normal again, she would end up alone (In other countries, child support is virtually unheard of!).
For those who haven't gone through a divorce, annulment or separation, it's easy to say that this is actually just normal or that it's just a phase, or that so many others have also gone through it and were able to move on eventually.
True. In fact, we see and hear so many Hollywood couples and other well known and not so well known people who couldn't seem to wait to file their next divorce and move on to their next "possibly-this-time-it's-forever" relationship. Yet too often also, we mistook this as actually moving on. For some, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. For others, I might think that this could be just a ploy to run away from the loneliness and forget the feeling of rejection or abandonment that they simply could not bear. Either that or their motto in life is: "Try and try until you die!"
I do not intend to be too pessimistic or angst-ridden. I know that no matter what happens, life would go on and that there's really nothing wrong in pursuing one's happiness, unless you step on other people's toes or you have gone a bit overboard.
But life can be hard enough for those who are mending their hearts -- and lives.
A little patience, a bit of understanding, some amount of help, another chance or even just one opportunity to help them get back on track are often what they need more rather than indifference or bigotry.
